The Family Coaching Clinic

Help! My Kid’s Room is a Disaster
by Chris Webb, MA, MS, NCC - FamilyCoachingClinic.com

A messy room drives my wife crazy. She prizes cleanliness and order. She sometimes gets upset when she walks into a room that is chaotic. We’ve been married for fifteen years and she’s just about got me trained. The kids, on the other hand, are a different story. My children, like most children, are quite messy.

Wouldn’t it be great if children were born with a desire to be neat and organized? Unfortunately, this is not the case. In fact, it seems that most are naturally messy. Just take one look in most kids’ room and this becomes quite obvious. This drives some parents crazy. Your stomach may churn with distaste when you view the scene of destruction and chaos that is your daughter’s bedroom. You forgot what color the carpet was. The cat was last seen in there three weeks ago.

“Barbara, GET UP HERE RIGHT THIS MINUTE!”
“What?”
“LOOK AT THIS ROOM! I can’t even see the CARPET! How am I supposed to do your clothes?”

Since picking up and cleaning rooms is not a natural trait of kids, they must be trained. At first, your child will work at their chores because you as a parent demand it. However, the goal is for your child to eventually take personal responsibility in this area for themselves and seek to honor God with their work. Paul puts it this way in Colossians, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men” (Colossians 3:23). By training your children to clean their room, pick-up and complete their chores, you will be helping them learn to please God with their work.

How can you train your children to accomplish these goals? You won’t get the kids to complete these unpleasant chores by nagging or delivering the lecture, “The Seven Reasons Why It’s Easier on Me for You to Have a Clean Room.”

Instead, you need a plan. In our book 1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents Dr. Thomas Phelan and I explore several options when dealing with your kid’s room. One option to consider is “The Weekly Cleanup Routine.” This procedure is a favorite with many moms and dads. With the Weekly Cleanup, the kids have to clean their rooms only once a week, but according to your specifications. You might explain that the following has to be done: pick-up, put clothes in hamper, make bed, maybe vacuum. A specific day and time, such as Saturday morning, is chosen. The youngster is not allowed to go outside, play or do anything else until his room is done and you’ve checked him out. You can check him out by using a chart if you wish.

For parents who are more fastidious about cleanliness, the child’s room can be charted every day using either a star or sticker system (for younger kids) or a 1-through-5 rating system (for older kids). The child should be informed that your room rating will take place at the same time every day, such as every night right before bed. Keep in mind that expecting a neat room every day is probably asking for a lot of trouble. So if you insist on this high expectation, be nice! Use a lot of praise if the job is done well, and don’t expect perfection.

Be patient with your children during the process. Cleaning your room is a skill and habit that take some time to develop. Remember, it took fifteen years for my wife to train me.