American Idol has become a national obsession.  Millions of viewers tune in each week to watch the good, the bad, and the ugly.  For the uninitiated, American Idol is basically a singing talent show.  Three judges Randy, Paula and Simon weed down the thousands of wannabees to 24 contestants.  These 24 potential superstars are then voted on by the public via the phone.  Each week participants are voted off until the grand finale when the American Idol is crowned.

     Much of the drama for the show is created by the animated judges.  Paula is kind and supportive.  Rarely does a critical comment come out of her mouth.  Randy is everybody’s ‘dog’.   ‘Dog’ is an endearing greeting used by Randy to express positive regard.  “You done good, ‘dog.’   Randy, however, will also let the contestants know if they didn’t measure up.  Simon is the judge everyone loves to hate.  He rarely has a kind word to say.  Simon’s critical words have become legendary.  Even Paula and Randy get frustrated with his over-negative attitude.

     Just as the singers on American Idol try to impress the judges, children want to impress their parents.  Parents do in fact act like a judge.  Parents offer a critique for their children on how they are doing in life.  The question is what kind of judge are you?

     Some parents are a lot like Paula.  They offer tons of praise, but no correction. Some would call this a permissive style of parenting.  The parent is attuned to their child’s needs, but has trouble setting consistent limits.  This lack of structure hinders the child development of self-discipline and empathy.  Kids raised in this type of environment are more likely to be involved in problem behaviors and under perform in school.  

     Other parents, however, are like Simon.  They focus on the negative.  They are experts at telling their children what they are doing wrong.  Experts call this style of parenting authoritarian.  This type of parent is overly strict and bossy expecting absolute obedience to authority.  The kids from these families are obedient, at least when the parent is around.  However, they tend to have poorer social skills and are prone to rebellion. 

     Randy may not be a perfect judge, but his style is better for parenting.  He is encouraging, but is willing to hold the line and tell the truth.  This style of parenting is considered authoritative. These parents set consistent rules and limits, but explain why they are necessary and consider the child’s point view.  They provide love and limits. Research shows that the authoritative parenting produces a number of desirable results with their children.  Some of these results include: high self-esteem, honesty, responsibility compassion and self-control.

    What kind of parent are you?  Are you critical all the time or do you lack a backbone? Perhaps you need to give more encouragement or maybe you need to be a bit tougher.  In American Idol only one contestant wins.  In family life all children can win when parents practice a more balanced “Randy” style of parenting.

Take the American Idol Parenting Quiz and see what style of parenting you practice.

1. When it comes to conflict:

a.       I hate conflict and try to avoid it

b.       I don’t like conflict but can confront when necessary

c.        I don’t mind telling it like it is

2. When it comes to parenting do you consider yourself more of:

a.       The encourager

b.       The teacher/coach

c.        The boss

3. My friends would describe me as:

a.       Kind and supportive

b.       Expressive and outgoing

c.        Confident and decisive

4. When your kids don’t do their chores:

a.       I usually end up doing them myself

b.       I remind them and apply consequences if they don’t comply

c.        I get mad and yell until it is done

5. When I get mad:

a.       I keep it in and then blow up later

b.       I generally keep my cool in most situations

c.        Everyone generally knows about it

6. If your young daughter has a nightmare and wakes you up, you would:

a.       Let her sleep wherever she wants

b.       Console her and walk her back to bed

c.        Get upset for waking you up and send her back to bed

7. If your child wants a new toy while your shopping:

a.       I buy it so you can finish shopping

b.       I tell him no, but help him set up a savings system so he can buy a toy later

c.        I get mad, and let him know who’s boss

8. Your philosophy of parenting and discipline is more like:

a.       Childhood should be a happy time

b.       Children need to learn how to make good choices

c.       Children need to learn how to be obedient

9. How do you handle criticism:

a.       I often get emotionally upset when criticized

b.       I don’t like it, but I know it can be helpful

c.        I get angry when someone criticizes me

10. When making decisions:

a.       Others’ feeling are very important

b.       I consider other’s feelings, but it isn’t my only consideration

c.        Others’ feeling are less important than making the right decision

How many A’s _____, B’s_____, C’s _____

If you have more A’s you’re a “Paula-Style” parent. This style of parenting is considered a permissive or indulgent style of parenting.  You tend to be more responsive then demanding and avoid confrontation.  Your children will tend to have good self-esteem, but may have more behavioral problems and not perform up to their potential.  Consider implementing more boundaries.  Make sure your children have some negative consequences when they exhibit bad behavior.  Love is more then letting kids have what they want, but giving them what they need.

If you have more B’s you’re a “Randy-Style” parent.  This style of parenting is considered authoritative.  You try to balance love and limits. Your children will tend to have high self-esteems, demonstrate self-control, and develop good social skills. The trick here is to maintain a healthy balance.  It is easy to begin to drift toward too much permissiveness or becoming too rigid.  Be sure to give lots of affection, but hold the line.

If you have more C’s you’re a “Simon-Style” parent. This style of parenting is considered authoritarian.  The good news is your children will tend to perform well in school and not get in much trouble. However, they will tend to have poorer social skills and have lower self-esteem.  Children do require discipline, but they also need lots of attention and affection. Consider spending more time giving affection and focused attention to your kids.  Let them know you love them regardless of their behavior. 

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